Byron Katie has said, "All sadness is a tantrum." Why would she say such a thing? This seemed really crazy the first time I heard it; in fact, I had a little tantrum over it. "Easy for Katie to say," I spluttered. "Let her live my life for a few days and see if she still thinks my depression isn't justified."
But having sat with Katie's words over and again throughout the years, I realized that this was indeed true for me. My deepest depression has been the result of believing that my life ought to be different than it is. My depressive thoughts are always about not getting my way. Having recognized that, I have become more willing to sit with the possibility that I am throwing a hissy fit every time I want to give up and check out. Can I know that what I want is what is best for the world, or for me? Can I know I would be happier if things were different? Who would I be without my story? These are very important questions to ask, and my answers have been the most effective "anti-depressant" I've ever tried...and I tried many.
I hear from many others that The Work dovetails beautifully with their treatment for depression. They are able to meet their depression with understanding while they take their meds and supplements, work their 12-step programs, take care of their nutrition and sleep needs and follow their doctors' advice.
Psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen, who describes depressive thinking as "the ANTS that invade your brain" (ANTS is an acronym for Automatic Negative Thoughts), has said that he works with the "hardware" of the brain, and recommends The Work as "software."
Want to know more about this phenomenon of sadness=tantrum? I'm writing about it, and including penetrating inquiry-based exercises, in my upcoming Transformational Inquiry eBook.
Have you pre-ordered your copy yet?
Transformational Inquiry: Asking Depression will be the third of an ongoing series of practical guides that help you to apply The Work of Byron Katie to real-life situations. Upon its completion in the late fall of 2008 (we'll see if that comes true!), it will sell for $24.95. I am offering it now to readers of my newsletter and blog at the pre-publication price of $19.95, until June 30, 2008.
Shoot me an email with the order code available here to receive instructions for ordering before the June 30th deadline.
Because you're helping me to pay the bills in the meantime, you'll be among the first to receive the book when it becomes available, along with a gift: Three Realizations, a collection of "Aha! moments" that changed the lives of some of many of my dear friends...among them life coaches, writers, musicians, artists, office workers, educators, students and teachers of spirituality, and fellow facilitators of The Work of Byron Katie.
For more information and to order, visit
http://www.clearlifesolutions.com/askingdepression_pre-pub608.htm
before June 30, 2008.
©2008 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.
SOUL SURGERY: exercises in inquiry with Carol L. Skolnick, Coach/Facilitator ClearLifeSolutions.com
Showing posts with label Transformational Inquiry eBooks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Transformational Inquiry eBooks. Show all posts
June 23, 2008
May 7, 2008
Depression, or Correction?
(NOTE: I've been promising to release an eBook about living with and inquiring into depression for a couple of years now...but I kept changing my mind about the approach. I have done a lot of writing and I'm finally ready to commit. See the end of this post for a limited-time pre-publication offer.)
In spite of doing my "inquiry due diligence," I've been known to get quite attached to getting my way. Since reality hasn't cooperated recently, I've experienced a dip in my normal happiness lately that mirrors the current economy ("Down from the 52-week high"), if not its forecast ("Further declines projected.").
This has happened before. While it's no fun while I'm in the thick of it, it's nothing to be terribly concerned about; not a true bear market on happiness, just a reality check that sends me back to inquiry until I get right with myself and my world again.
When the stock market dips up to 20%, financial experts call it a "correction." The same holds true when home prices fall significantly; we can either see it as the bubble bursting, or a necessary adjustment. It means that prices were artificially high, and that the new values are closer to reality. It's probably not permanent, and it isn't a tragedy, unless you need to cash in on your stocks, or sell your home immediately, and you were counting on a windfall.
I have found it useful to see the dips in my emotional state (even the ones that feel like substantial drops) as a correction as well. To say "I'm depressed again" is to say that I'm a bear: not simply shying away from wanting to know the truth but buying into all of my old stories with the same pessimistic conviction as before. That's simply not true. "I'm believing what I think" is more accurate. "I'm having a tantrum" is truer.
Forest fires (other than those caused by arson or careless campers) are a natural phenomenon, and mood dips are too. A forest fire clears out deadwood, so that new growth may take its place. A return of depression for those who question their minds is also a natural occurrence; there's something here that isn't working for us anymore, and the dip is an opportunity to clear it out. This is why Byron Katie has included the "dreaded" Number 6 turnaround on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet: "I don't ever want to" becomes, turned around, "I am willing to ___," and "I look forward to ___." If sadness and despair return, they are not our enemies, and we're not failures; they have come back because of some internal deadwood-beliefs that no longer serve, waiting for us to discover and attend to them, if we have the willingness. Doing The Work in the midst of depression reveals the exact nature and location of the deadwood, which gets burned in the fire of truth.
An emotional "correction," like a market correction, is a time to regroup. If you become depressed, and you already have the tools of inquiry, you have the opportunity to examine your situation, turn your thoughts around, and develop "best practices" that you may have previously overlooked. The Work reveals these emotional benchmarks; your answers are your own prescription for inner peace.
When reality kicks in and appropriate actions are taken, both markets and home prices rebound. With inquiry, depressed moods can too...perhaps not to the dizzying heights of the happiness bull market, for that too consists of unexamined thoughts...but to a balanced, comfortable, and realistic outlook.
©2008 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.
*******
TRANSFORMATIONAL INQUIRY: Working with Depression will, Universe willing, be finished by fall's end! Thank you all for your friendly reminders to "git 'er done." This will be the roundest, firmest, most fully packed of my eBooks, and as such, this labor of love be priced higher than the others: $24.95. However, you may pre-order it at my website for $19.95 by shooting me an email with the special discount code you'll find there. I'll respond with order instrucdtions This code also entitles you to a free collection called Three Realizations, good until June 30, 2008.
In spite of doing my "inquiry due diligence," I've been known to get quite attached to getting my way. Since reality hasn't cooperated recently, I've experienced a dip in my normal happiness lately that mirrors the current economy ("Down from the 52-week high"), if not its forecast ("Further declines projected.").
This has happened before. While it's no fun while I'm in the thick of it, it's nothing to be terribly concerned about; not a true bear market on happiness, just a reality check that sends me back to inquiry until I get right with myself and my world again.
When the stock market dips up to 20%, financial experts call it a "correction." The same holds true when home prices fall significantly; we can either see it as the bubble bursting, or a necessary adjustment. It means that prices were artificially high, and that the new values are closer to reality. It's probably not permanent, and it isn't a tragedy, unless you need to cash in on your stocks, or sell your home immediately, and you were counting on a windfall.
I have found it useful to see the dips in my emotional state (even the ones that feel like substantial drops) as a correction as well. To say "I'm depressed again" is to say that I'm a bear: not simply shying away from wanting to know the truth but buying into all of my old stories with the same pessimistic conviction as before. That's simply not true. "I'm believing what I think" is more accurate. "I'm having a tantrum" is truer.
Forest fires (other than those caused by arson or careless campers) are a natural phenomenon, and mood dips are too. A forest fire clears out deadwood, so that new growth may take its place. A return of depression for those who question their minds is also a natural occurrence; there's something here that isn't working for us anymore, and the dip is an opportunity to clear it out. This is why Byron Katie has included the "dreaded" Number 6 turnaround on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet: "I don't ever want to" becomes, turned around, "I am willing to ___," and "I look forward to ___." If sadness and despair return, they are not our enemies, and we're not failures; they have come back because of some internal deadwood-beliefs that no longer serve, waiting for us to discover and attend to them, if we have the willingness. Doing The Work in the midst of depression reveals the exact nature and location of the deadwood, which gets burned in the fire of truth.
An emotional "correction," like a market correction, is a time to regroup. If you become depressed, and you already have the tools of inquiry, you have the opportunity to examine your situation, turn your thoughts around, and develop "best practices" that you may have previously overlooked. The Work reveals these emotional benchmarks; your answers are your own prescription for inner peace.
When reality kicks in and appropriate actions are taken, both markets and home prices rebound. With inquiry, depressed moods can too...perhaps not to the dizzying heights of the happiness bull market, for that too consists of unexamined thoughts...but to a balanced, comfortable, and realistic outlook.
©2008 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.
*******
TRANSFORMATIONAL INQUIRY: Working with Depression will, Universe willing, be finished by fall's end! Thank you all for your friendly reminders to "git 'er done." This will be the roundest, firmest, most fully packed of my eBooks, and as such, this labor of love be priced higher than the others: $24.95. However, you may pre-order it at my website for $19.95 by shooting me an email with the special discount code you'll find there. I'll respond with order instrucdtions This code also entitles you to a free collection called Three Realizations, good until June 30, 2008.
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