The Work on "I Will Never Become Enlightened"

I will never become enlightened.

Is it true?
I don't know. I don't even really know what enlightenment means.

Can I absolutely know that it's true that I will never become enlightened?
No; I gather one doesn't get to choose how, when and if it happens. So it could happen, if enlightenment even exists.

How do I react when I believe this thought?
I become saddened and discouraged whenever I am reactive and "unenlightened" (like today). I read accounts of "awakening" and I feel that I am so far from anything like illuminated that it is hopeless; I can't even imagine living out of this mindset. I compare myself unfavorably with those who appear to be awake to their "true nature," whatever that is. I am jealous and not a little mistrustful of those who teach about this state of oneness and illumination; if it is so natural, why can't I have it or be it right now?

I live in longing for something that to me, right now, is unreal. I don't love my "unenlightened" life or self.

When I have short-lived glimpses of what seems to be awakened awareness, I mourn for those moments afterwards. Or I become cynical; I tell myself that wasn't "it," and that maybe there is no such thing.

When I think this thought and I believe it, I'm no fun to be around. I'm in God's business. I experience increased stress, physical fatigue and am more aware of physical limitations than I normally am. I feel lonely and lost.

I hold this belief because it gives me an escape clause. I don't have to be dedicated to understanding myself. I get an excuse to play harder (which is not playing at all), to get lost in the world of emotions, to backtrack to what is comfortable.

But I also get such a deep sense of sadness and separation.

Who would I be without this thought?
I would inquire into my stressful beliefs and love the deepening and quickening that results. I would not worry about the future. I would love my "enlightened" moments and be gentle with myself the rest of the time.

I would revel in the beautiful descriptions I read of awakened awareness. And I would realize that I love those accounts because they reflect what is already true for me, what I already know and where I occasionally live.

Turnarounds:

I will always become enlightened.
This thought could be just as true. Byron Katie says, "You don't wake up forever; it's now. Now. Now." There is no future. Enlightenment occurs each time suffering is met with sanity, each time a stressful belief is revealed to be a lie.

I will never become unenlightened.
That feels truer than my original statement. As the old story goes, that snake is really a rope when we look closely. And once the truth is glimpsed, even if momentarily forgotten, the rope can never again be believed to be a snake.

I feel a bit closer now to being enlightened about what enlightenment is...even though my work's not done.


©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick. All rights reserved.

A Thousand Dreams of Joy

Katie's new book A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are seems to be clarifying the mind, alongside The Work, at a rapid pace. I've made a practice of re-reading a chapter or two alongside Stephen Mitchell's Tao Te Ching before going to sleep and whatever I think I don't yet understand appears and unravels itself in my dreams, often with Katie right there as the icon of clarity, explaining what is happening and why. (I like the school of thought that says everyone and everything in your dream represents you. Maybe it is true in the "waking dream" as well.)

After one such night dream—in which I saw the futility of and increased inability to hold onto "things" (beliefs?)—I awoke at 5 am in tears, initially unable to move and wanting to meditate on it all day...and normally I'm no meditator, but each chapter of A Thousand Names for Joy is, for me, a meditation, as is The Work. Deeper stillness has resulted from reading this amazing book and sharing favorite chapters with friends. The still center pervades daily life. It is there behind the chatter of "I should do my taxes already" and the hilarity of my improv class; it is present as I prepare my class notes, fix dinner, walk around Santa Cruz, deal with a medical condition and write curmudgeonly articles about "The Secret." :-)

These effects seem to have spread to my work with clients and, most magically, to a teleclass I held last month. Only two of us in the class had read the book but everyone responded to The Work in ways I have rarely seen in these groups. This was to be a class in the basics of inquiry, but the sheer absurdity of our thoughts came to the fore so quickly and easily that I felt like I was sitting with a group of Buddhas; each one's realizations seemed to free us all. Together we became unable to believe our stories of "harmful," for example, or of "winning" versus "losing"...and the notion of "should" has become completely nonsensical!

I believe that with A Thousand Names for Joy, Katie and Stephen have released a virus...and it's deadly to stressful beliefs. I hesitate to say that publicly because it could set up unrealistic expectations. I realize I have done a poor job of telling you what's really going on for me, so I invite you to experience it for yourself. Read this book and sit with each nugget of an open mind and heart as you would linger in the Beloved's kiss or savor the most delicious morsel of chocolate imaginable...and let me know what happens.

P.S. The audiobook is nice to have, too. I've substituted listening to it (and to another one I like a lot, Your Inner Awakening) instead of checking email when I have insomnia at 3:00 a.m. Katie is not at all soporific, quite the opposite, but listening to her is incredibly restful. (Anyhow, we need to sleep, is that true?)


©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.

The Real Secret Is Out

The Secret is....there's nothing to manifest. You ARE it.

"Everything revolves around you. Everything goes out from you and returns to you....'You mean there's nothing to do? That if I'm okay, everything is okay?' Yes, that's exactly it. It's self-realization. Everything falls sweetly, effortlessly into your lap."

—Byron Katie, from A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are

Listen to an audio sample of this amazing book here.


©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.