August 17, 2007

Nobody Needs Me: a Follow-up and a Photo

Here I am before School started, enjoying the scenery of beautiful Bad Neuenahr, in the north of Germany. BN is an old spa town; I look forward to visiting it again someday when I have time to hang out in the adorable little town, get massages, and eat ice cream (theirs is the best I've ever had).

Today I was privileged to be facilitated by one of my mentees in the BKI Certification program. (It feels funny to call myself a mentor; mostly I feel like a student in these relationships. It never ceases to amaze me how much there is to learn, and how great are my teachers.) I worked on—you guessed it—"I'm not needed." It has been so "up" for me that I dreamt about it last night. For the first time, I saw the arrogance in this statement; how much I am in others' business, and God's business, when I believe I am not needed. I always thought it was the opposite; to believe one is needed and necessary is the opinion of one with a rather overinflated ego, I reckoned. Interesting to see how the opposite stance is equally self-important, imbued with the idea that my "doership" makes the world go 'round, and if I'm not in perpetual motion, I may as well absent myself from the earth.

So here I am, and who am I to say that what I am doing or not doing should be different, or doesn't serve just as it is...that I am wasting my time and yours, that I am getting it wrong?

Where is my proof that I'm not needed? I don't have any. I can't know that things would run more smoothly if I were not there, if for no other reason than to provide contrast.

And so it is. Needed and not. Both true and untrue. Equally important in the grand scheme of things, it appears.

©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.


Marianne said...

How great to see this photo! You are beautiful!!!!

And I love what you wrote....brilliant.

I've had people close to me say that they need me....and I didn't want them to be "needy" and I would get all huffy, defensive and judge them for being needy.

Now I see how open, vulnerable and loving they are to say that to me.

Thanks for sharing your work, Carol.

-Jeane Michelle Culp said...

Hi Carol! Your post reminded me of the classic Holiday movie “It's a Wonderful Life”. Perhaps the old saying is true, something like “it is not for us to question, rather merely do”; for certainly it is in doing that we learn and in learning we have in fact received the answer to many questions.