What's So Bad About Negativity?

For years I was involved in a group whose adherents felt very threatened by any view of it that seemed to contradict what it was desperately trying to be: the "perfect" spiritual path. Any opinion (and the one who voiced the opinion) that could be perceived as "negative" with regards to the group was immediately attacked and blocked. You see, on a perfect path, the leader and those in high places in the organization could never make a mistake; were always doing what they did for our highest good; had no ulterior motives; were beyond reproach. If, and only if, you were a good devotee, had full faith and did everything you were told, you'd attract the all-knowing, unconditionally loving guru's grace (which, on the perfect path, you already have unless you do something to repel it), you would become self-realized (though as a good devotee, you could never acknowledge this as it smacks of dreaded "ego") and you'd have your heaven on earth.

If you doubted any of this—if, say, you dared to notice any inconsistencies, or refused to go against personal integrity...if you had questions about the teachings...or you had a problem with underage girls being used sexually by older men in power, or with goods being smuggled in and out of other countries...or with celebrities receiving V.I.P. treatment in a place where we were all told we were equal...or with blatant environmental violations, or with the presence of weapons and bodyguards in an ashram, or with "renunciants" sporting designer clothing and precious jewels—then you were deluded, had limited understanding, had fallen off the path, etc.

Oh the horror and danger of exposure to anything but positivity! Most of us suppressed or denied anything within ourselves that could be construed as anything less than 100% cheerful and agreeable. Needless to say, a lot of the devotees were secretly in therapy and taking anti-depressants...and doing more and more spiritual practices in an attempt to override our perceived impurities.

After many years and many experiences of being chastised for being "negative," I realized something: if our organization, its leaders and its teachings were sacred and sacrosanct, what could threaten them? And yet, there was a pervasive atmosphere of self-righteousness and unkindness which, beneath the surface, was pure, unadulterated fear. It seemed that what was going on in the organization was the exact opposite of one of the main teachings: that love was stronger than fear. Where was the love when all was not handled in an open and loving fashion?

Of course, religious organizations are not the only places where the fear of negativity reigns. Ashrams, like everywhere else, are filled with human beings; and human beings who have not questioned their stressful beliefs attack whatever appears to threaten their happiness (as if true happiness could be threatened). So we try to create safe havens for ourselves where sharing is welcome as long as what is shared aligns with the basic premise of our subculture. If anyone might burst our bubbles, indicate we could be wrong, or cost us our precious stuff, we tend not to welcome them with great respect and love. Places of business, family gatherings, groups of friends or neighbors and political parties are just a few of the places where individuals might not be embraced or even acknowledged—in fact might be shunned, shamed and shut up, even if we have to kill them—if they're not seeing our world through our particular brand of rose-colored glasses.

In the best-case scenarios, we close rank, turn off the TV, stop answering the phone, defriend our Facebook buddies who don't see things exactly as we do, avoid people or situations that might result in being "tainted" by another's "negativity." We have to call those people and things toxic, wrong, bad. We double up on our affirmations, surround ourselves in imaginary white light, run away.

That might work as a temporary measure. Until the bogeyman shows up at the door again. Or you think back on the person who threatened the sacrosanct belief that turned out not to be sacrosanct after all (at least not according to you), and you feel the fear all over again in the form of condescension, resentment, anger, sadness, disgust, stress, disturbance of your peace.

If you fear the "negative," it will appear to come a-calling for you in many guises: "negative" people, situations, thoughts. A loving universe won't let you get away with avoidance. It supports you instead.

What's the worst thing that could happen if you welcomed the "negative," sat down to tea with it, questioned it?


©2009 by Carol L. Skolnick. All rights reserved.

Ask a Facilitator: Affirmations...Yes, or No?

Q: I do The Work and I also practice daily positive affirmations because I really believe in their power to attract good things to life; for example, "I am perfect just the way I am," "I am an-all loving being," "I have infinite patience and love for others." However, the turnaround portion of The Work seems to be contrary to these positive affirmations, since when I turn a judgment around to myself, I have to think that I am not doing something right, that I have the defects and bad character traits that I see in others. Is there a way to reconcile doing The Work with my practice of positive affirmations?

A: Affirmations work only if you believe them, and they don't work if you don't believe them. You can't make yourself believe you are all loving or patient if you have doubts about your loving, patient nature. Conversely, you can't make yourself believe you are unloving and impatient if you are indeed loving and patient at least some of the time. To do so produces stress.

Turnarounds can be positive too: "I am impatient" turns around to "I am patient." But without the education of the four questions, a positive turnaround is meaningless. Repeating affirmations that you don't believe will lead to disconnection, just as continually telling yourself you're not good enough doesn't give you the tools to see yourself as good enough.

I don't do The Work to be "positive" (or negative); I do it in order to reduce stress and understand and welcome all thoughts as friends. "I am impatient." Have I ever been impatient in my life? I can find it, so I can see why someone else might see me that way and call me on it. I am also patient; I have ample evidence for that as well. You would have to embody the traits you criticize in others at least in part, otherwise you wouldn't recognize them. The same is true for admirable traits. You are seeing your own reflection, always.

The Work is a way to identify and question stressful thoughts, period. We don't bother with the happy ones; we get to keep those! To put the stressful mind on paper and examine how we live life out of our beliefs is to see what else is available to us.

At first, I came to The Work in order to feel better, but that is doing inquiry with a motive to change myself or to change outer circumstances. When I do The Work for the love of truth, I notice I don't have to force affirmations on myself; my life becomes an affirmation.

And by all means, if affirmations or any other practices are working for you, don't give them up! I haven't yet seen a practice that couldn't be done in conjunction with The Work...except perhaps the practice of self-hatred.

©2009 by Carol L. Skolnick. All rights reserved.

The Law of Attraction, or the Lull of Distraction?

Lately many people I know have been super-excited about a DVD called The Secret.

According to The Secret's official website, the movie reveals how to have "unlimited joy, health, money, relationships, love, youth: everything you have ever wanted." Furthermore, "The Secret...utterly transformed the lives of every person who ever knew it... Plato, Newton, Carnegie, Beethoven, Shakespeare, Einstein." Not to mention real people interviewed for the film who have applied these principles and found true love, big bucks and perfect health. Add to this the testimony of a quantum physicist from the equally popular film What the Bleep Do We Know?, along with some of today's bestselling spirituality and prosperty authors—household names like Jack "Chicken Soup for the Soul" Canfield and Joe "Mr. Fire" Vitale—and you've got a bestseller. (The older version of the film, now out of print, also contains footage of the popular Abraham/Law of Attraction channeler/teacher Esther Hicks, deleted from the most current version due to "differences" with the producer.)

Examples abound in The Secret of ways to attain money, cars, homes and other items of material wealth through "attraction principles" (which involve using autosuggestion techniques such as "treasure mapping," affirmations, visualizations and setting intentions). Some material is included about achieving spiritual growth, bringing about world peace, the importance of gratitude and "loving what is" (most notably those sequences with Dr. Michael Beckwith of Agape Spiritual Center in Los Angeles)...but these areas are not given nearly as much airplay in the film as the commodities are.

I have some issues with The Secret. First of all, The Secret is no secret. Books about manifesting abundance and success have been around since the early 20th century; my mom had a little booklet in her night table called "It Works!" which was published circa 1925 and is still available today. Other books like Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich appeared around the same time and continue to be popular.

Another issue I have with the film lies with its promotion of magical thinking: keep focusing on that Rolls Royce and one day it will be yours! I know of no one who has materialized a car out of belief alone. If you want a car and someone gives you one, that's wonderful...and it could be that your neighbor, who has no car, has chanted many more attraction mantras—and with more faith—than you. Some would say the neighbor must not be vibrationally aligned to get the car. I'd say she's not supposed to have a car now...which could change tomorrow. (So could your current automobile ownership.)

This is not to say that belief isn't powerful. When we believe something terrible will happen, we live in a world that is already terrible; we're terrorized. When we have the mindset that reality is kind, we don't experience anything as terrible, with or without riches.

The Secret is about a story of a nonexistent future in which we will have something we want, which may create stress in the present because that something is not here now. There is nothing in The Secret that shows us how to be satisfied and happy and rich in this moment. For that we must question what we believe.

Focusing on material gain may indeed get you a Rolls Royce if that's what you truly desire. However, based on this philosophy, you'd better make sure to include in your treasure map that you want to be able to keep your Rolls Royce once you get it...or to keep it in perfect condition...and to not soon grow dissatisfied and needing something else in order to be happy! There's the flip side: if you don't get what you want, you're just not doing it right. You weren't specific enough. You didn't do your due dilligence, metaphysically.

The Secret does not open us to something greater than the temporary pleasures of "stuff." What if a Rolls Royce is not for your highest good? What if something other than that could lead you to your perfect path? Would you still want that Rolls more than you want what you have now? Can you know you'd be much happier and better off if you had it? (That doesn't mean you won't get the car; it's just that the car is a bonus.)

A recent New York Times article entitled "Do You Believe in Magic?" (January 27, 2007) revealed that the human brain is wired to buoy itself with claims of specialness as a way to ward off fear and distress. This is the same brain circuitry that imagination comes from, but in some cases the propensity to create specialness can result in counterproductive magical thinking and disabling compulsive behavior, ranging from mild superstition to major delusions to obsessive-compulsive disorder. The more we are under stress, the more desperate we feel, the more likely we are to espouse magical beliefs. War zones are full of such things.

Can belief really keep you safe? (Safe from the pain of unfulfilled desires, for example.) Not if you still think there's such a thing as "unsafe." The mind that understands that all is well may not see so-called poverty, illness, or even death, as awful. This doesn't mean we lay down and do without and die. Without that fear there may be presence of mind to get out of the war zone, be it physical or mental. We can remain open and available to having and enjoying a Rolls Royce, even though we're just fine with our used Prius.

In order to know there are no limits, we must question the beliefs that stand in the way of our perceived limitation; acting "as if" has never worked; there must be deep conviction, which self-inquiry provides beyond a doubt. What arises from this simple exercise in discovering our own truth—answering four questions and turning our thoughts around—is often sheer gratitude for "what is."

Imagine the freedom to be rich right now with things just as they are! That is a symptom of an open mind...and an open mind is much more likely to "attract" all the wonderfulness available to us in this universe. As Byron Katie says, "Just when you think life can't possibly get any better, it does; it's a law." And that's not a secret.


©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick. All rights reserved.