The Economy Is Bad; Is That True?

My client called me the other night with a remarkable Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet on the economy. I, too, like to do The Work on institutions—things (society, my body, my job, the weather, war, New York) as opposed to sentient beings (my upstairs neighbor, the governor of California, my father, the cat). We react to all outside sources that aren't doing what we want in the same way we react to people who aren't doing what we want. The outcome of doing this inner work is also the same: we get a printout of our current thinking, and a roadmap to alternate routes.

An economic recession lasts as long as it does; my stressful thinking about recession may last forever if I don't meet it with understanding. My thinking—not the unemployment statistics or the California state budget deficit—is what kicks me out of paradise. Jobs come and go; our thinking goes right after them. Markets fluctuate; our minds fluctuate right along with them. We watch our stocks rise; our happiness rises with them, temporarily. We watch them go down, and down we go. The experts say the future is bleak, and we believe them. Yesterday, an article in the New York Times said there will be employment growth this spring. Now I have a bad economy, but I have hope. And none of it means anything; it's all in my head.

No one can accurately predict what's going to happen in any given economy, in part because we simply don't have all the information, and in larger part because we are not in control of all of the factors. You can follow your broker's advice, or your brother's...take a second job...cut back on luxuries, or on what you used to consider necessities...sell your house now...sell your house later...file for bankruptcy...raise your fees...lower your fees...and there are no guarantees.

But what you can do, with an excellent return, is question your stressful beliefs about what is happening in the economy, in your working life, and in your life in general. "Reality is always kinder than the story we tell about it," says Byron Katie. My client discovered this when he examined thoughts about losing his job and being unable to pay rent, when in fact he has a job and had just closed some deals.

What is the worst that could happen if you lost everything? If you question your fears, you may come to see that the worst that could happen is already happening, in your mind...and, as you may have noticed, body follows mind. If I think, "What's the use?" I won't market my services. If I live in the future of lack, I'm already lacking and failing to notice I have everything I need in this moment.

Not long after the dot-com bust 10 years ago, I watched the financial expert Suze Orman help a woman who had lost nearly everything to strategize about her future. Because of bad advice, the woman had cashed in her pension when she lost her job, instead of rolling it over into an IRA. Now she had no job, and her net worth went from five digits to just $900. Orman told her, "Don't look at what you had; look at what you have. $900 is a lot of money; what can you do with it now?" I don't know about the woman on TV, but I know that advice was for me: don't look at what you had; look at what you have. When I'm in my "stuff," I forget about what's available here, now.

What is the best that could happen if you lost everything? You could get a fresh start, as a couple of friends of mine did when they walked away from their mortgages. You could find a whole new career and discover skills you didn't know you had; that's exciting. (It's happened to me several times in my 53 years, and I seem to be okay.) You get to bust your old paradigms and test new, more fun ones that might work better than the "tried and true" which turned out to be not so true. You get to see what you are really made of, put your creativity and smarts to the test. You even get to let people help you! As you continue to inquire, your mind opens and you see that there are infinite possibilities in what I like to call "a parallel universe of peace."

The root word of recession is "recess." Remember how we loved recess at school? What would keep us from loving it now?

The economy is bad...who would you be in this economy without that thought?


©2011 by Carol L. Skolnick. All rights reserved.

Got Gratitude? If Not, Try This

2010 has been a difficult year for many of us, the world over. I have friends who have been successful and productive for most of their lives who are now unemployed or underemployed, have lost their homes or are in foreclosure, who have become clients of food pantries, and who have had health crises they can't afford to address.

Not everyone has a supportive family, a spouse or friends to help. Some of us who do may feel they don't do enough for us. We look to our politicians; what have they done for us lately? Where's our economic recovery?

And we're supposed to be thankful now?

Well...it might be a little easier to cope with the hardships if we could muster up some gratitude for what we have.

I don't suggest we go all Pollyanna and say we are glad to be living in a friend's basement when in fact we are not glad about that...or grateful to have at least one good hip when the other one's disintegrating and hurting like hell. No government worker I know here in Santa Cruz is glad about the furlough days that cut into their salaries.

So I suggest we take a look at the people, institutions and bodies that have done us wrong in this past year, and ask ourselves...

1. What have I received from this person, place, institution or body? Maybe not today, maybe not this week, this month or this year. What about in this lifetime? Make a list and be specific; don't negate any of what you have received, no matter how small or insignificant you rate it. Example: "My husband walks the dog sometimes." "My body wakes up every morning." "My mother read to me when I was little." "The pantry gave me government-issue cheese and canned beans for six months."

2. What have I done for this person, place, institution or body lately? Put it in writing. Notice how it feels to read your list. Does it feel like "enough" for you? Did you do these things out of obligation, with generosity, with a motive to get something in return, because you were afraid not to?

3. Is there something I am not acknowledging or appreciating about what this person, place, institution or body has given or done for me? Am I seeing it as "not enough," "too little, too late," "they owed it to me," or a "yeahbut"? What would it be like to drop the qualifiers?

4. Is there anything I want to say or do for the person, place, institution or body, now that I have looked at my thinking? Am I grateful to them? Do I want to make amends? How can I express my gratitude, or be of service, in a way that would feel comfortable, true and non-manipulative?


©2010 by Carol L. Skolnick. All rights reserved.

Is This Guy Enlightened or What?

I just read this wonderful interview at the BoingBoing website with "Dr. Housing Bubble," a SoCal real estate blogger who, while he predicts the economy going even lower, suggests we not panic; what a concept!

Here's the best part:

"Ultimately what most fear right now is instability and I can understand that. Keep yourself healthy (both mentally and physically), spend time with those you care about, and remember that we will come out of this but it is important to figure out how we want our future to look. If we make moves out of fear, our future will reflect action taken in fear. If we make logical decisions and follow courses of action based on clear thinking, we will have a better chance of improving our current situation. It really is up to us and that should make anyone feel empowered."

Redefining Success

Do you worry about money, even when you have enough?

Are your personal values reflected in your business and financial values?

Do your relationships and regard for customers, clients, staff, colleagues, competitors and shareholders differ vastly from those with your friends and family?

Do you measure your success in terms of quantifiable attributes, be they wealth, fame, position, or material goods?

Are you aggressively competitive?

In my article, The Success Mess, I discussed the stress inherent in the quest for "success," as well as how to be present to the successes we all of us already enjoy.

Did you know that the first dictionary definition of success doesn't have anything to do with wealth or position? It's "the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors." So first of all, it's an end, it's over, you're done. (And, by the way, "prosperous" can mean wealthy, but it can also mean favorable, lucky, or auspicious.

So here's where we get into trouble: when we fail to feel complete and replete with our success. We always want more, more, more...and we're not okay with change (as in, recession and stock market corrections). Success is about termination (we did good!), but we want auspiciousness to last...and to increase. "Now" isn't good enough. What about tomorrow? What about ten years from now? What about retirement? What about legacy?

So think about your definition of success and see if it feels peaceful to you...especially if you are materially successful. Why do you pursue more? Are you afraid of the future? Do you feel lack in other areas of your life?

Consider this quote:

"Corporate success is no longer compromised by humility, surrender, and forgiveness. In today's business arena, success is now contingent on them." --Peter Amato

Why would that be? I posit that the drive to succeed, according to our definition of success, is a misguided search for wholeness. We think that financial security or abundance (meaning, having more than we need, since we always have exactly enough in the moment)--or owning nice things, expensive clothes, a big house, fancy cars, or being a stud with a hot sex partner, or being the most beautiful woman in town, or being revered or famous--will complete us. If we look outside ourselves for completion, we can never be complete.

If success is a favorable termination, can money ever be the end? We spend it, it's taxed, it gets stolen, the stock market does its thing, banks fail, emergencies arise that require more money.

Has power over others ever completed you?

Have you cleaned up your relationships yet, owned your part in conflicts and misunderstandings, made amends? Can any amount of "success" fill the emptiness left by separation from others?

Have you forgiven people for their mistakes? Have you forgiven yourself?

Here's how to redefine success: do The Work. Inquire into the thoughts that cause resentment and fear towards parent, sibling, child, partner, friend, pet, government, religion, sex, health, looks, career, public image and of course, money.

The success we are looking for is the end of suffering. It's what we want money, power, other people and things to give to us, and those "successes" can only be temporary and may not always be within our reach. Peace, however, is always available...and that's the favorable termination, the last story.

©2008 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.

How to Deal with the Current Crisis

No...I'm not going to suggest you to do The Work...yet. We have some triage to do first.

First, I suggest you honor your feelings; hurt, anger, disappointment, fear...let them have their life. I don't mean attaching to gloom, doom, and blame; I mean simply being honest with where you are right now. Spiritual bypass, especially the kind born out of fearing or disdaining "negativity," never works for long. You can't have a clear head if you try to stuff your genuine feelings down. When the emotions subside, either through expression or, with the more tenacious ones, The Work, you'll be better equipped to figure out a sane response so that you can take care of your own needs and those of your family, and be of service in the world as well.

Second, a little perspective is good. The American economy changes; it always has. In my lifetime of 50 years, I've seen several downturns, and things always bounce back...perhaps never to the dizzying heights of the late 1980s when we were all getting 16% returns on our CDs—that was an anomaly—but certainly to more-or-less normal. We can't know how long the downturn is going to last, or what's going to happen next, but we can know this: "This, too, shall pass."

Another perspective: if the U.S. economy fails, everyone fails. Do you think the rest of the world, so heavily attached to and invested in the U.S. economy, is going to let that happen? I mean, how much do we owe China now?

Third: Don't forget to laugh; laughter is healing. See below.



Finally, please try to stop scaring yourself. All kinds of things could happen, that's true...and that doesn't mean they will happen. Even if they do—the economy totally collapses, our money becomes worthless, there are no jobs, etc.—well, that puts us all in the same boat, those on Welfare and those with billions. Worthless money won't buy happiness now, or guarantees of safety in the future. We'll have to find another way. That may be what stock market "corrections" are for.

©2008 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.