Earlier today, an unpleasant memory came up for me around the Thanksgiving holiday. Years ago, I had taken my mother out to dinner at an upscale restaurant. She was elderly, disabled, very overweight, and, seeing as she was widowed and living on Social Security, not particularly well dressed. I remember the looks the fancy suburban clientele gave her, and their stage-whispered remarks among themselves, and the deep anger and resentment I felt towards them; what gave those people the right to look down on someone less fortunate?
As this memory came to mind today, I also remembered and even viscerally felt the reaction I'd experienced at the time. It was upsetting me, so I decided to take a closer look. I asked myself, "What would I have to be believing if I were to be as nasty and snobbish as I perceived these people to be?" And what I came up with was this: the only reason anyone would resent the presence of someone like my mother is fear. How terrified those women must have been to encounter, in their glitzy sanctuary, the kind of person they would never want to become. What a scary reminder that circumstances can change and they might have seen their future and frightened themselves with it.
For the first time in close to 15 years, I felt compassion for them. And gratitude for my own hard-won clarity. Yes, it was hard-won. The work of self-inquiry is simple, but it is not easy. However, living with the burden of resentment has always been worse, so I invite you to this practice in order that you may experience the joy and peace of the season.
©2011 by Carol L. Skolnick. All rights reserved.
SOUL SURGERY: exercises in inquiry with Carol L. Skolnick, Coach/Facilitator ClearLifeSolutions.com
Showing posts with label self inquiry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self inquiry. Show all posts
November 22, 2011
November 2, 2011
Occupy This Facilitator Until Dec. 31, 2011
The tides are changing here in my queendom by the sea. Old systems have been outed as no longer serving, new ones are taking their place amid some inner protesting. Fears of not fitting in or of displeasing others are giving way to the need to live and work with integrity. Call it a midlife crisis; I prefer to call it Occupy Myself...at least 99%.
It has been more than a year, perhaps two, since I last facilitated a workshop, held a teleclass, or trained a trainer. I haven't been diligent about blog posts or newsletters, to say the least. That's because my work as a facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie has largely taken a back seat to some much-needed and long-ignored self-care (exercise and nutrition) and to my creative endeavors: painting, writing and performance. And because, even though I was a promotions manager and copywriter for many years...having done PR for celebrities, created print and web advertising for megacorporations, and composed entire catalogs full of merch...I've never really enjoyed marketing my own stuff.
While I still offer The Work, it has been quite awhile since I've worked hard to build awareness about my services, or to create more curriculum around what is essentially always the same process, wherever it's applied. Truth be told, I've run out of unique things to say about The Work; most of my insights, tips and tricks are right here in this blog, and needn't be endlessly recycled.
I don't see a problem with this turn of events; it's just the way things are. The problem, if there was one, was trying to fit myself into a little box of being a "this" when who I am was always more varied and variable than a "this." There came a point when saying, "This is my life's work" was no longer true; I was playing small and not developing my gifts. In doing so, I was doing a disservice to myself, and perhaps to the world.
So yes, I still facilitate The Work by request, and I still feel without a doubt that it's one of the most elegant processes available to sift through confusion and stuckness to find one's own truth. It certainly has been for me, and continues to be on an as-needed basis. I love staying in The Work by working with others, and, as they say in the 12-step programs, sharing my experience, strength and hope. I am grateful forever for this wonderful way of ours, this way of opening the heavy dungeon doors that, truly speaking, are never locked.
So there is more, much more, to come. I'm excited to let you in on it just as soon as it becomes clearer to me!
Meanwhile, I have had a special rate running for all of 2011, and the year's not over yet. I called it the "Prosperity Special" since I refused to feed the recent recession by calling it that. I have previously made this offer available only to my newsletter subscribers and on the Clear Life Solutions Facebook page, but, as I said, the tides are changing!
So from now until the end of December, you can still experience 12 hour-long sessions of laser-sharp inquiry and unlimited email support for $900, prepaid. (It's okay if the sessions extend into the new year but must be completed by February 2012.) That's a savings of $300 off the price quoted on my website.
Please contact me if you'd like a 20-minute consultation to see if it's appropriate for us to work together.
And why do this with me? Because I'm told that having me as a facilitator is helpful, eye-opening, unorthodox, and a lot of fun. And because it's the lowest rate I've ever offered to the public, and this particular package won't be offered again.
So let's occupy ourselves, 100%.
For more information about who I am and what I've been doing for the past 10 years, please visit ClearLifeSolutions.com
It has been more than a year, perhaps two, since I last facilitated a workshop, held a teleclass, or trained a trainer. I haven't been diligent about blog posts or newsletters, to say the least. That's because my work as a facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie has largely taken a back seat to some much-needed and long-ignored self-care (exercise and nutrition) and to my creative endeavors: painting, writing and performance. And because, even though I was a promotions manager and copywriter for many years...having done PR for celebrities, created print and web advertising for megacorporations, and composed entire catalogs full of merch...I've never really enjoyed marketing my own stuff.
While I still offer The Work, it has been quite awhile since I've worked hard to build awareness about my services, or to create more curriculum around what is essentially always the same process, wherever it's applied. Truth be told, I've run out of unique things to say about The Work; most of my insights, tips and tricks are right here in this blog, and needn't be endlessly recycled.
I don't see a problem with this turn of events; it's just the way things are. The problem, if there was one, was trying to fit myself into a little box of being a "this" when who I am was always more varied and variable than a "this." There came a point when saying, "This is my life's work" was no longer true; I was playing small and not developing my gifts. In doing so, I was doing a disservice to myself, and perhaps to the world.
So yes, I still facilitate The Work by request, and I still feel without a doubt that it's one of the most elegant processes available to sift through confusion and stuckness to find one's own truth. It certainly has been for me, and continues to be on an as-needed basis. I love staying in The Work by working with others, and, as they say in the 12-step programs, sharing my experience, strength and hope. I am grateful forever for this wonderful way of ours, this way of opening the heavy dungeon doors that, truly speaking, are never locked.
So there is more, much more, to come. I'm excited to let you in on it just as soon as it becomes clearer to me!
Meanwhile, I have had a special rate running for all of 2011, and the year's not over yet. I called it the "Prosperity Special" since I refused to feed the recent recession by calling it that. I have previously made this offer available only to my newsletter subscribers and on the Clear Life Solutions Facebook page, but, as I said, the tides are changing!
So from now until the end of December, you can still experience 12 hour-long sessions of laser-sharp inquiry and unlimited email support for $900, prepaid. (It's okay if the sessions extend into the new year but must be completed by February 2012.) That's a savings of $300 off the price quoted on my website.
Please contact me if you'd like a 20-minute consultation to see if it's appropriate for us to work together.
And why do this with me? Because I'm told that having me as a facilitator is helpful, eye-opening, unorthodox, and a lot of fun. And because it's the lowest rate I've ever offered to the public, and this particular package won't be offered again.
So let's occupy ourselves, 100%.
For more information about who I am and what I've been doing for the past 10 years, please visit ClearLifeSolutions.com
November 12, 2007
I Want Out!
Have you ever had the thought, "I want out!"—out of your job, your relationship, your neighborhood, your country, parenthood, your commitments, prison, the hospital, the laundromat, your family reunion, this life in the body, any place or situation where you feel trapped, obligated, dead-ended?
Do you really want to know the truth? Ready to take a trip? Let's do The Work! You may want to say your answers to the questions below out loud, or write them down if it helps you to hold your realizations (I've answered the first two the way I would if I believed my thought, and you might say "no" instead).
If having a facilitator helps you to answer the questions honestly, you can pretend I am in front of you or on the telephone with you, asking them.
"I want out!"
Is it true? Hell, yeah!
Can you absolutely know that it's true? Yes!
How do you react when you believe this thought, what happens?
Some questions you may wish to answer:
Can you know what's best for your path in the long run?
Can you know more than God/Reality?
Where do you feel it in your body when you hold this belief?
What pictures come to mind?
How do you treat people when you think the thought, "I want out"?
How do you treat yourself, how do you live your life? What's the self-talk? Do you turn to addictions: comfort foods, the gym, drugs, oversleeping, alcohol, video games, TV, the telephone, shopping, trashy novels, self-mutilation?
Who and what are you avoiding when you believe the thought, "I want out"?
Who are you attacking mentally, and how do you do that?
Where do you feel it in your body when you think and believe the thought, "I want out"?
When did the thought first occur to you; go back to that time and place, and re-experience it.
Whose business are you in, mentally, when you believe this thought...yours, theirs, God's/Reality's business?
Where does your mind travel when you hold this belief; what thoughts of the past and future arise?
What terrible thing do you fear would happen if you no longer believed you wanted out?
Why do you hold this belief, what does it bring you, how does it serve? Is it a motivator? Is it protecting you? Does it give you a sense of control? How's that working for you?
Who would you be without this thought? (Please don't answer blithely, "I would be love, I would be peace, I would be freedom." Ugh! Instead, feel it; get a picture of yourself, in the same situation, or with the same people, and notice how you would live life—how you may already have lived life—without this thought. How would you feel, physically and mentally? What would you do differently?)
Turn the thought around. (To the opposite, and to "my thinking" if it works for you.) Is the turnaround as true or truer? Give three specific, genuine examples from your life for each turnaround.
Go deeper. If the universe is friendly, why is it a good thing that you are not "out" but "in?"
©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.
July 15, 2007
From Suggestion Box to Question Box
Are you open to a suggestion? Maybe it's time to chuck your suggestion box.
Organizational psychologist Bruce L. Katcher strongly suggests we jettison the suggestion box in business. "There is no better way I know of to stifle openness," he says, "than to tell employees to 'stuff' their suggestions in a box. The use of such a policy clearly signals to employees that voicing their suggestions openly to their manager or senior management would be unacceptable or ineffective."
How so? Because suggestion boxes are rarely solutions-oriented. The suggestions therein are treated as opinion. The contents of the suggestion box may never make it past the first reader, who also has an opinion as to the suggestion's validity. There's no dialogue...which may be just fine with employees who fear retribution for speaking their minds anyway.
Lack of openness—whether in the workplace, socially, or in our families—is where gossip and backstabbing often begin. If we foster a climate in our homes, relationships, and offices of "shoot the messenger," who would want to risk being shot? It's not that we won't communicate our needs, ideas, or grievances; we'll just do it in some interesting ways...revenge, avoidance, passive-aggression, irate letters to the editor. In fact, at the moment I'd love to take revenge on my upstairs neighbor, who brushes his dog and scatters the fur out his front door to land on the tree—and my doormat—below. And because I have the tools of self-inquiry, I have a better place to put my aggression; on paper.
The homeowner's association where I live has a policy of neighbors not discussing their grievances with neighbors. Instead, we are to submit any ongoing complaints to the management association, lest we be accused in turn of harassment. Since most of the world does not have a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet handy, perhaps this is wise. It is, however, the equivalent of stuffing the suggestion box.
I don't know how he would feel about it, but I would greatly prefer to be able to speak directly to Mr. Neighbor, who I've never even met. I'm sure we could come to some understanding without the management company's intervention. For all I know, he may be innocently unaware of how his actions affect other people in the complex.
Meanwhile, I can look at where I'm still deliberately putitng a "suggestion box" between myself and others. Is it safe to tell me the truth? Not always; especially if you are a family member or very close friend, and you are critical of me "after all I've done for you!" (Hmm, I'd better read and do the exercises in my Mothers and Others eBook again!)
Is your suggestion box cramping your communication style?
Can your children tell you the truth without consequences? Your siblings? Your friends? Your partner? Are they afraid of how you'll react? Must they act through an intermediary in order to be heard?
Are you uneasy about telling your boss how you feel? What do you assume about how she'll hear you (or won't hear you)?
Do you really want to know what your employees think of you and the company, or do you ignore or punish them?
Does someone filter suggestions before they get to you? You may see this as a time-saver, but you might also be avoiding something. If so, what is it?
When you receive feedback, do you really receive it...and act on it?
©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.
Organizational psychologist Bruce L. Katcher strongly suggests we jettison the suggestion box in business. "There is no better way I know of to stifle openness," he says, "than to tell employees to 'stuff' their suggestions in a box. The use of such a policy clearly signals to employees that voicing their suggestions openly to their manager or senior management would be unacceptable or ineffective."
How so? Because suggestion boxes are rarely solutions-oriented. The suggestions therein are treated as opinion. The contents of the suggestion box may never make it past the first reader, who also has an opinion as to the suggestion's validity. There's no dialogue...which may be just fine with employees who fear retribution for speaking their minds anyway.
Lack of openness—whether in the workplace, socially, or in our families—is where gossip and backstabbing often begin. If we foster a climate in our homes, relationships, and offices of "shoot the messenger," who would want to risk being shot? It's not that we won't communicate our needs, ideas, or grievances; we'll just do it in some interesting ways...revenge, avoidance, passive-aggression, irate letters to the editor. In fact, at the moment I'd love to take revenge on my upstairs neighbor, who brushes his dog and scatters the fur out his front door to land on the tree—and my doormat—below. And because I have the tools of self-inquiry, I have a better place to put my aggression; on paper.
The homeowner's association where I live has a policy of neighbors not discussing their grievances with neighbors. Instead, we are to submit any ongoing complaints to the management association, lest we be accused in turn of harassment. Since most of the world does not have a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet handy, perhaps this is wise. It is, however, the equivalent of stuffing the suggestion box.
I don't know how he would feel about it, but I would greatly prefer to be able to speak directly to Mr. Neighbor, who I've never even met. I'm sure we could come to some understanding without the management company's intervention. For all I know, he may be innocently unaware of how his actions affect other people in the complex.
Meanwhile, I can look at where I'm still deliberately putitng a "suggestion box" between myself and others. Is it safe to tell me the truth? Not always; especially if you are a family member or very close friend, and you are critical of me "after all I've done for you!" (Hmm, I'd better read and do the exercises in my Mothers and Others eBook again!)
Is your suggestion box cramping your communication style?
Can your children tell you the truth without consequences? Your siblings? Your friends? Your partner? Are they afraid of how you'll react? Must they act through an intermediary in order to be heard?
Are you uneasy about telling your boss how you feel? What do you assume about how she'll hear you (or won't hear you)?
Do you really want to know what your employees think of you and the company, or do you ignore or punish them?
Does someone filter suggestions before they get to you? You may see this as a time-saver, but you might also be avoiding something. If so, what is it?
When you receive feedback, do you really receive it...and act on it?
©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.
July 9, 2007
Near Life Experience
Shelley Yates is a woman who had a "near death" experience in which she saw seven-foot "light beings" who advised her, as her lungs filled with lake water, to relax into the experience. This is the first of eight YouTube videos in which she describes her experience, and what came afterwards.
She survived the drowning, as did her young son, who was at first diagnosed as brain dead. It's an extraordinary story, and you can learn more about it by watching all of the videos, and visiting Shelley's website, Fire the Grid.
Shelley's one of us: a gal with stories. Hers include repeated sexual abuse, difficult family relationships, being a struggling single mother of two on Welfare. Her experience did not change her personality, she says, but they did open her, in a very big way, to seeing that all is not as it seems. She's now interested in letting people know, as she does, that there is no separation, with the intention of healing ourselves and the planet. She feels that her dying son was healed as a result of others' focused attention on replenishing his life-force, and that the entire planet's energy can be renewed in the same way. As agendas go, it's a nice one.
Some people will see Shelley's story as a miracle, and as proof of the existence of spirit guides. They will be inspired to join her on the 17th of this month in a one-hour meditation. Other people have also had similar "near death" experiences, and have reported seeing these tall, luminous friends.
I don't talk about it much, but I, too, saw light beings as described, many years ago. Even though I saw them with my own eyes—an endless procession of them walking through the walls of my friend's upstate New York bungalow one dark, pre-dawn morning—I can't say they were "real" or not, just as I cannot say that any person in front of me is real, or not. Everything is projected; everyone is who we say they are.
I was neither afraid of the light-beings, nor particularly drawn to them, but I was fascinated by them. They didn't speak to me. I perceived them as benign, and I saw there was no end to the procession, so I went back to sleep, reassured by their momentary presence in a life that often felt lonely.
I never saw them again. The experience did not make me believe in light-beings. You can't believe what you don't believe, even if it appears to be right in front of you.
So what happened to Shelley? I think—and I can't know this—that as the oxygen left her brain and bloodstream, she also lost access to beliefs such as "I don't need anyone" and "I need to breathe." These thoughts could not be true in the moment, because she wasn't breathing, and help did come to carry her and her boy out of the lake and get them medical care.
Because mind needs some proof of something tangible, it could be said that the light-beings are an ego-manifestation of infinite mind. Infinite mind would not have a form, but it appeared in a way that Shelley could see and hear. And what great advice it had: "Relax." This is what it looks like to love what is. We've all had glimpses of this "peace that passeth understanding." It's who we are without a story. There was no time to question beliefs here, and no need; any limitations were instantly seen to be untrue.
I applaud Shelley's efforts to bring people together for the highest good. It's something that will resonate with many, and make it easy for them to feel aligned, safe, purposeful, and whole.
As for the world meditation convergence at 4:11 AM on PDT on July 17...well, my thought is that I will be peacefully asleep in my bed. Since time, like everything else, is a mental construct, and meditation is a "doing." it's fine to participate in this endeavor, and it's also fine to hold the intention for healing and wholeness at any time at all. I am the world I project. It is my job to restore energy unto myself.
For me, now, this very moment is a good time to fire my grid.
©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.
July 3, 2007
One Person, Indivisible
In honor of U.S. Independence Day...a piece that asks the question, "Are you taxing yourself without representation?"
***
What is personal integrity? Mostly we think of integrity as obeisance to a specific moral or ethical code, or to a values system. Living with integrity implies honesty, trustworthiness, and adherence to responsibility. Sounds great on paper. However, you may have noticed that someomtimes, you can be "doing everything right," and still be out of your integrity.
The word integrity stems from the Latin root integrinter, which means "entire." So in its simplest sense, integrity is wholeness, oneness, being complete and undivided.
If you experience confusion or inner turmoil over doing "the right thing," it could be an indication that you are out of your integrity. The world might tell you that it's your civic duty to vote, for example...even if you disagree with the platforms of all of the candidates. Following orders and obeying the rules might make you a good citizen, a good son or daughter, a good student, a good religionist, a good employee...and it can also make you a blind, robotic follower.
Out of integrity, we can get caught up in rigidity posing as the moral or spiritual high road...and this can be contrary to our well-being and that of others. "Love thy neighbor as thyself" is a great commandment, and mightn't it be unloving to thyself and others to subject thyself to a neighbor who not only won't stop blasting the stereo after repeated requests, but turns it up even more...to stay married to a cheating spouse when infidelity isn't okay with you...or to spend time with family when you don't want to because a "spiritual" person should suck it up and deal, with the sort of loving detachment that you don't actually feel?
If "doing what's right" is not right for me, I get signals: sleepless nights, stomach aches, resentment. As Byron Katie says, stress is an alarm clock, letting you know it's time to wake the baby from the nightmare.
How can we really know we are out of integrity?
1. If something feels weird or off-kilter, even though it's something you have always done before
2. If you are acting out of guilt or obligation
3. If you don't like yourself when you do something
4. If you have to lie about what you're doing, even a "white lie"
5. If you're in a box, even if it's one of your own creation, and it's feeling stuffy in there
Trustworthiness and responsibility arise naturally when we are complete and undivided within. To be honest with others, we must first get honest with ourselves. To get honest with ourselves, we must first know ourselves. To know ourselves...we inquire.
Deepening Transformational Inquiry: Independence Day
Think of an uneasy situation that you've been living with for some time. Write down your reasons for staying in the situation. Some examples:
"If I don't stay in my relationship, it means I am weak."
"The guru is testing me."
"Change is too difficult."
"If I don't visit my parents every weekend, it means I don't love them."
"I should be more tolerant."
"I need to support my family.""
"He'd never get over my leaving him."
Take your thought to inquiry using the four questions and turnaround of The Work of Byron Katie:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought? (What happens?)
4. Who would you be without this thought?
Turn the thought around; is the turnaround as true or truer?
Find three genuine examples of how each turnaround is as true or truer than the original statement.
Notice the physical sensations that take place when you attach to beliefs that are not true for you. See if these beliefs bring up thoughts of self-hatred, and if so, what do you do with those thoughts? Do you turn to addictions, compulsions, distractions? For instance, in order to deal with a work situation that isn't working for you, do you overeat, or drink a lot of coffee? If you feel your spouse doesn't love you, do you have affairs, or work late, or spend hours on the internet?
Take special note of any underlying beliefs that arise in the course of your inquiry, and write them down. (For instance, "Marriage is forever," "My family depends on me," "Spiritual people don't get angry.") Ask yourself what you are afraid of losing, or of not getting, if you no longer believed these thoughts. (Example: "If I stand up for myself, she will leave me." "I'm too old to find another job.")
Doing this work doesn't mean you have to leave the situation, or even that you will want to. This is about understanding your motives; no action required. Unquestioned beliefs can make us feel lonelier than we would on a desert island. Independence means releasing ourselves from the bondage of beliefs that no longer serve you.
©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.
***
What is personal integrity? Mostly we think of integrity as obeisance to a specific moral or ethical code, or to a values system. Living with integrity implies honesty, trustworthiness, and adherence to responsibility. Sounds great on paper. However, you may have noticed that someomtimes, you can be "doing everything right," and still be out of your integrity.
The word integrity stems from the Latin root integrinter, which means "entire." So in its simplest sense, integrity is wholeness, oneness, being complete and undivided.
If you experience confusion or inner turmoil over doing "the right thing," it could be an indication that you are out of your integrity. The world might tell you that it's your civic duty to vote, for example...even if you disagree with the platforms of all of the candidates. Following orders and obeying the rules might make you a good citizen, a good son or daughter, a good student, a good religionist, a good employee...and it can also make you a blind, robotic follower.
Out of integrity, we can get caught up in rigidity posing as the moral or spiritual high road...and this can be contrary to our well-being and that of others. "Love thy neighbor as thyself" is a great commandment, and mightn't it be unloving to thyself and others to subject thyself to a neighbor who not only won't stop blasting the stereo after repeated requests, but turns it up even more...to stay married to a cheating spouse when infidelity isn't okay with you...or to spend time with family when you don't want to because a "spiritual" person should suck it up and deal, with the sort of loving detachment that you don't actually feel?
If "doing what's right" is not right for me, I get signals: sleepless nights, stomach aches, resentment. As Byron Katie says, stress is an alarm clock, letting you know it's time to wake the baby from the nightmare.
How can we really know we are out of integrity?
1. If something feels weird or off-kilter, even though it's something you have always done before
2. If you are acting out of guilt or obligation
3. If you don't like yourself when you do something
4. If you have to lie about what you're doing, even a "white lie"
5. If you're in a box, even if it's one of your own creation, and it's feeling stuffy in there
Trustworthiness and responsibility arise naturally when we are complete and undivided within. To be honest with others, we must first get honest with ourselves. To get honest with ourselves, we must first know ourselves. To know ourselves...we inquire.
Deepening Transformational Inquiry: Independence Day
Think of an uneasy situation that you've been living with for some time. Write down your reasons for staying in the situation. Some examples:
"If I don't stay in my relationship, it means I am weak."
"The guru is testing me."
"Change is too difficult."
"If I don't visit my parents every weekend, it means I don't love them."
"I should be more tolerant."
"I need to support my family.""
"He'd never get over my leaving him."
Take your thought to inquiry using the four questions and turnaround of The Work of Byron Katie:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought? (What happens?)
4. Who would you be without this thought?
Turn the thought around; is the turnaround as true or truer?
Find three genuine examples of how each turnaround is as true or truer than the original statement.
Notice the physical sensations that take place when you attach to beliefs that are not true for you. See if these beliefs bring up thoughts of self-hatred, and if so, what do you do with those thoughts? Do you turn to addictions, compulsions, distractions? For instance, in order to deal with a work situation that isn't working for you, do you overeat, or drink a lot of coffee? If you feel your spouse doesn't love you, do you have affairs, or work late, or spend hours on the internet?
Take special note of any underlying beliefs that arise in the course of your inquiry, and write them down. (For instance, "Marriage is forever," "My family depends on me," "Spiritual people don't get angry.") Ask yourself what you are afraid of losing, or of not getting, if you no longer believed these thoughts. (Example: "If I stand up for myself, she will leave me." "I'm too old to find another job.")
Doing this work doesn't mean you have to leave the situation, or even that you will want to. This is about understanding your motives; no action required. Unquestioned beliefs can make us feel lonelier than we would on a desert island. Independence means releasing ourselves from the bondage of beliefs that no longer serve you.
©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.
June 8, 2007
"Elderly People Are..."—The Zimmers
If we have negative judgments about the elderly, it's because we fear what we don't understand about them...and about us. Here is a short film featuring some groovy eminence grises rockin' to the beat.
Before you watch the video, take a moment to jot down your thoughts about the elderly, or about growing older. Some examples:
"Elderly people are needy."
"Old people have no energy."
"Old people are unattractive."
"Growing old is sad."
"Elderly people are disgusting."
"Elderly people are scary."
"Old people are boring."
"The elderly are a burden."
"I'll be alone when I am old."
"When I grow old, my body will cease to function."
"I am getting old."
"I am too old to _________."
"I am old, and it means that __________."
"Old people are cute." (This could be a stressful thought if it's condescending, or if you are objectifying old people rather than relating to them as your own self.)
After you watch the video, you may want to do The Work on the thoughts that continue to disturb you.
©2007 by Carol L. Skolnick; all rights reserved.
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